An interesting list to make

It would be interesting to make a list of all the things I would accomplish if I lived one lakh years. What subjects would I gain mastery in? What activities would I do? What dreams would I fulfill? How would I be?

It's an interesting exercise. It made me realize that I'm holding back. There are so many things from that list that can be completed now, but I'm not acting on them because they're not essential to survival and are resting in the recesses of my mind.

Time to start living a life of greatness. Time to stop living small. Just finished reading the book Discover your destiny with the monk who sold his ferrari. Thank you Robin Sharma.

Insights into your energy system

From the external description in the Celestine Prophecy, to an inner glimpse in Heart of the Soul, human interactions and the relationship of the energy system or aura with it all is clearer to me now.

Just as I listed out the ten insights from the CP for my reference, here are some insights from Heart of the Soul for my remembrance. Hopefully, I'm practicing so much of the knowledge I have that I'll remember without having to refer to anything. Still, here is the list if I need it someday:

1. Painful emotions imply that energy leaves the system in fear and doubt. When it leaves in love and trust, the pain goes away.
2. Emotions are constantly creating physical sensations in the vicinity of relevant energy centers.
3. Energy leaving in fear and doubt creates ways for you to exploit/ manipulate circumstances/others.
4. Harmony, cooperation, sharing, and reverence for life automatically remove the lack of intimacy.
5. Fears come with judging yourself and others.
6. Changing external circumstances does not address the fear behind the the need to change them.Nor does it make the pattern of your emotional responses change.
7. Judging is a method of avoiding having to feel painful emotions. It shifts the focus to other people and their imperfections. It creates a lack of intimacy.
8.Anger is the agony of believing that you are not capable of being understood and that you are not worthy of being understood. (essentially, it is a lack of self worth)
9. The need to please arises from the need to manipulate covertly in order to feel more valuable. It is a result of being frightened (hidden fear of not being accepted).
10. The need to make others please you or being resentful arises from the need to manipulate overtly in order to feel more valuable. It also is a result of being frightened.
11. We strive to achieve the stage where we feel more worthy, less vulnerable, and are able to cover our fears.
12. Feeling the pain of powerlessness, confronting it, helps to eliminate all manipulative behavior.
13. Recognizing the pain of feeling unlovable, and then changing by exploring those emotions and releasing energy from love and trust is the path to growth.

This maps well with the four control dramas used to manipulate others to feel better: Interrogator, Intimidator, Aloof, and Poor me. It explains the root cause of these dramas.

It also explains to me how to "center yourself with love" when energy is being sucked out of you by a manipulator. Simply stop releasing energy in fear and doubt and replace it with love and trust. The manipulator will not be able to get anything then. This will help you think straight because you have higher energy levels.

The ability to see this in others helps to understand them and automatically takes care of any anger felt toward them. This is because you realize that essentially, everyone is afraid. Even if they look like they're confident, angry, and aggressive.

Martha Graham and Mark Twain

So I looked up their early lives, and it seems that life is not what you want it to be - it just is.

Mark Twain was bankrupt for a major portion of his life.

Martha was afraid of what was inside her and only had the chance to enjoy marital bliss for four or so years.

A conversation of Martha's friend with her that I found on Wikipedia is pasted below:

'I talked to Martha. I remember the conversation well. It was in a Schrafft's restaurant over a soda. I confessed that I had a burning desire to be excellent, but no faith that I could be. Martha said to me, very quietly: "There is a vitality, a life force, an energy, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and because there is only one of you in all of time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and it will be lost. The world will not have it. It is not your business to determine how good it is nor how valuable nor how it compares with other expressions. It is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly, to keep the channel open. You do not even have to believe in yourself or your work. You have to keep yourself open and aware to the urges that motivate you. Keep the channel open. ... No artist is pleased. [There is] no satisfaction whatever at any time. There is only a queer divine dissatisfaction, a blessed unrest that keeps us marching and makes us more alive than the others.'

Slavery anyway

I figured out that I am either a slave of my senses, or I can become a slave of Hrishikesha. Now whats better of the two? One gives you the illusion of being in control - the other gives you freedom of a completely new kind. I need discipline to be able to meditate everyday and slowly begin surrender.

For that, I need to be fit. And I need determination. I cant say "oh i'd like to be KC someday." I need to have a more passionate resolve than just that.

I am trying to find a short cut - I'm trying to find a solution through technology. I'm looking for a quick meditation tactic. I'm looking for the right time? I keep forgetting why its important. Keep forgetting why I'd decided to do what I had. I can become happy now. I can start living the mission I've been dreaming of. But its not easy. Its full of challenges. Am I up for it? Am I too chicken? Am I afraid of failure?

There is no better time to start than now. I should start now. Its okay even if there are setbacks. I'll learn as I go. Best way to learn is by making mistakes yourself. Thats the only way you'll never repeat them.

My mind is addicted to day dreams that give me some sense of happiness and keep me going. Those dreams have become the source of my joy. I need to get de-addicted from this escapism. I'm just fooling myself with my wishful thinking.

My consciousness - buzzing with songs and dance steps, buzzing with to-do lists, needs purification. I need to have a routine that allows me to exercise my mind's muscles.

Deception is easy when its you you want to deceive

Simply wishing that you be able to surrender to your supersoul is not sufficient. There must be discipline in the way you live, discipline in your dietary and eating habits, and regular practice of meditation.

Only then can your body be converted from simply a source of sensual experiences into a conduit for spiritual progress.

My words and value system do not match my actions sometimes. This means that I live in illusion. There is a gap between what I like to think I believe and what I actually believe. How am I deceiving myself?

When my friends talk about "cool" things, which I know will take me away from self-discipline, I ignore my inner beliefs and agree with them about a lot of things in order to conform to the image that society has built for a youngster.

I have somehow given up on myself and lost hope of being able to walk on the challenging path of truth. I consider myself unfit, unready, and weak. Worldly pleasures and the reassuring acceptance from friends and relatives are quite alluring. I want to consider these things the goal of my existence. Why is the greatest passion of my life my greatest failure now? I am trying to "live it up," but I know that great lessons lie in store for me.

I am so used to lip balm that I will be miserable when I don't have access to it. I have set myself up. When misery strikes, I will not be prepared. I will not be able to remain calm and peaceful through life's journey. My myriad likes and dislikes, insatiable desires, and fears will imprison me further in illusion.

I must focus on my goal. I must make honest efforts. No more ignoring what I know is the truth.

I must remind myself of the truth everyday. My sleep seems to erase what I know.